Friday,October 12, 2018

I keep telling myself to save money, but so much more fun to spend it. It won't go with me when I die. Most of my days are spent working, paying bills and sleeping. I am quite dull.

What's new

What's new everyone? Same old same here.

Emotionally Wrought

I am upset, sad, grieving and angry all into one. I had to put my Sassy down. She already had 1 surgery to remove stones and she was needing another. I did not have $2000 more or less to do this plus the special food for her. I had to make the tough decision to let go. It would not have been so bad but when they gave her something to relax her she fell into my arms then the Vet gave her the med to stop her heart. I don't know if I can go through that 3 more times with my pets, make it 5 need to include the cat and the other 4 dogs. In am still sad about it but I find I cannot communicate with my family. I either get a shrugging of the shoulders, or they are off into their own little world.

I told mom I miss Sassy, that is when she shrugged her shoulders then proceeded to say she misses her barking. My dogs would bark when I get out of my truck and walk in, you would think I was beating them but I don't. They just saying glad your home, love you kind of things. Most of time time I will go to my room and lay down then I get ran over by them all.  Which is okay, just wish I could have trained them to be a masseuse I could always use a back rub, of course i think the cat would be good at acupuncture do to the claw needing things.

I know I need to blog more. It helps me to feel better. I know I complain, cry, bitch etc but it is a good way to let off steam and not hurt anyone.  

I know there are other people that has gone through this too be it a pet or loved one the 2 legged kind, I thought I could handle watching the Vet give the meds and all but Boy was I wrong, I did not think I would get so emotional over this., I am a big softy I cried all the way home and a bit off and on at work. I have even found myself crying at a movie, be it action or romantic, even over a song on K-Love.

I have found I like listening to the Contemporary Christian Music. It is really good. every once in awhile I will listen to local channel to get the news and the weather. I am also thinking about just letting my TV go keep it for movies and such, but listen to the radio more often like they did before TV was invented.

I will try to write more and maybe start in the morning and try to remember to work on it through out the day. I need to keep the blogging process so I can just work through things better.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and  a Happy New Year!!!

Love
Shelly

Crying Time

Dear Lord,
I am so tired. I want to give up but I don't. I am financially  emotionally and mentally stressed. I don't know how I am going to survive. The next year or so, I have way to many bills. I cannot pay them all. I am on the verge of filing bankruptcy for all my bills. The student loans, truck payments, medical bills are getting to me. I also have pet bills to pay as well. I need help. I want to put my life in your hands.

I have a neighbor who has treated me in a bad way, still married and thinks it is okay to be in a relationship. I have felt more like a neighbor with benefits, a punching bag, that he does not really want me in his life. He thinks it is okay for his girlfriends to come spend the night with him, or he is in touch with his last girl friend for the sake of a phone. I have felt his little digs at my well being.

I have my mom living with me. Again I hope it all gets better soon. I don't want to live off credit cards to pay bills, buy clothes etc. I want to live with freedom for all burdens even when I have them.

I want to go to my room or somewhere private and just cry until I can no longer cry anymore. I need to play the lottery just to win enough to pay off all my bills.

Thanks for listening to my complaints.

Blues

Yes I have the blues. I have so much going through my mind.

How many times per day do you tell that little voice in  your head to shut-up? I know I cannot count the times I have had to tell myself that.

I had a semi rough day at work. I feel like I am surrounded by people who don't know how to think for themselves and are constantly driving me up the wall for no reason at all. Yeah I know relax, it ain't you it is them.

I keep wishing over and over that I can afford my own house. I have also been ill for the last 3 weeks. It makes me wish I had someone I can depend on in my life. I have my mom living with me but she has her health issues, plus we both feel sorry for ourselves. Yeah My home has turned into a semi loony bin.

I just keep hoping and praying things get better for everyone including me.

anyhow I guess I should stop. I am not myself lol.

Take care

Shelly

My list of wants

My wants in life are simple. It is a humongous list. It is not short by anyone's list. I have been told that all these wants are bad for a person. Things happen have to accept it, deal with it the best you can and go on. Easier said than done.

I do know that my blogging helps me at times and I need to continue with it. If those of you are reading this I would appreciate your words of wisdom, Especially if you been there. 

I am financially unstable. This I would dearly love to fix. I want to be able to shop wisely, save and pray for things to get better.

I still want my own home. I would love something outside the city limits where I can keep livestock or other animals

I would like to have a room for crafting, for when I have to work at home, meditation/prayer, to read a book, watch something on the boob-tube that I want to watch not what everyone else wants to.

I do miss having a piano would like to get another one, just right now I don't have the man power to help me move.

Going to other places for vacations is good but not that important. I would miss my pets.

If I won a million dollars would I still work Yes. Why you would ask? I would most definitely get bored going out to eat, shopping or just staying home and do nothing.

I have to go now I may or may not add to this later. I am work.

Thank you for listening to me complain.

Friday Nov 5 2014

I wish I was Wonder Woman. I mean I need at least several of me. I need one person to help me with my mom, go to the store and work for extra income.

I am so tired of having to worry about bills. Not ever having enough money to get buy, living from pay check to pay check. I keep hoping and praying it all gets better but sometimes it don't seem like that but deep down I know it will eventually.

I guess enough complaints for now.