April 20, 2012

They say April showers brings May flowers, but they did not say when it rains it pours. I have had to fix my truck yesterday about to loose my rear end, not really but felt like the monks were chasing me every now and then. My exhaust pipe on my muffler about fell off so every time I hit a bump I would here a ding sound. Then I went for a walk came home to turn on my dryer guess what. It did not want to start, like rats. I could not get the plate off the back to see if lent was causing the problem or if there was a belt busted.

I am one of those if I can fix it myself I will do so, calling repair man is the last resort.

I keep having this weird feeling that the ex roommate will want to move back in. I hope to god that is wrong feeling. I do want someone else in my life to call me weird, waco, nuts etc. I am a very emotional person. When I am upset or mad I throw things and I scream like a shrew. I do not blame people for my failings but I get blamed for theirs.

Now I said I don't want another man, but it be nice to find someone. I do not want someone to abuse me, call me names, or try to make me feel little. I also don't want someone to come in and threaten me or my pets. I do not deserve that, no woman does. For some reason I keep finding these men that has had some sort of past life history of mental illness, craziness etc. I also love the men that when you tell them your financial problems bam, they are asking for your account information. Please help me to collect this money from this person. All I need is a bank account, and the rest of ur info. Dude I am not stupid. But you try to explain things to them and they don't listen. They are either foreigners or american in a foreign land. I am stuck here, i am being kidnapped etc. I just dont believe them unless they can show my proof of the tragedy in their lives.

I am still looking for a roommate. I have not found one you. I do not even talk to his sister. I guess she believed him and whatever texts he showed her. I never bashed him or talked down to him. I do complain about how i am treated either here on in facebook. I asked her (his sis) if I filled her head full of crap. She said she was not going to get in the middle of it and something else about bashing. I just called her, did not speak to her but left voice mail because that is what I got. I told I am sorry for whatever it is I have said, or ask probably should not have said or asked and I will not bother you anymore. I have kept my word.

I do keep my word to the best of my ability, but tired of those that do not. I am tired of asking for help and told I cannot, will not , do not want to or I am in the middle of something. What gets me is they expect me to drop what I am doing for them and if don't then I am rude, ill mannered, etc. My dogs were treated badly because I was supposedly mean to his but you know I don't remember being mean to his dog (ex roommate). No I don't want someone else right now.

I am now considering bankruptcy just to get out of debt. I am tired of the majority of my money going to doctor bills, taxes, credit card, student loans, plus the regular bills. I was told by the attorney I am border line for chapter 7 but may qualify for chapter 13. So I have to get 6 months worth of check stubs, and 3 months of bank statements plus my credit report. It be nice to repair what credit I do have. I was told that if I filed bankruptcy my chances of becoming a federal employee will be hard. I do know I cannot file on my student loans which will give me a chance to rebuild my credit which is good.

I guess i fill up a month plus on what is going on. I have more to say but I better get back to work.

March 31, 2012

I wish I was stronger person. I am so tired of being weak. I have lost myself again.

I don't know what else to say. I guess I will feel sorry for myself.

March 30, 2012

Well I done it again. I found another man who wants me to be a friend with benefit while he is interested in someone else. I don't think so. We can be friends but without the benefit. I am no one toy. I have news for him no more sex. No more anything. I have been more of a friend to him and his family than he has been to mine.

Why do I keep finding men that are that way? All they want to do is use you, abuse you, cheat on you and lie to you. They never mean what they say unless they speak to you in anger then that is when their true feelings come out.

OH I finally had an STD test. Yes it came back positive for herpes type 2. I have no idea who gave it to me. I have also found out that my Aunt who has the same type of symptoms I have has them too. She has only been with her husband and after he passed away which I would say over 20 years ago, and no one else has herpes too. Guess what she is a diabetic as well. So I am not sure if I got mine from someone else or it is another complication due to my being a diabetic. I keep having urinary tract infections as well. Another complication to being a diabetic.

I came home my 1st home to be with  my mom and son for a week. I had to take off work, 40 hrs of vacation or loose it. I have had a blast. I was going to down size some more but did not accomplish much. I visited with my mom, helped her out some. I also spent some time with my son when he was not working. We went to see Hunger Games it was good movies. I spend to much money when I come to my moms and go out with my son. lol. I wish I can hep my mom out some more with the house and things. I feel so bad and guilty.

I will be going back home tomorrow. I have to get back in time to pay the landlord the rent. I wish I could fix my mess and find a house of my own.

Any how I hope and pray things go good for everyone. I know I need to post more here and it seems like the only time I post anything is when I am in a sad or bad mood. I will try to do better.

Take care,
Shelly

Mar. 10, 2012

I hate, I mean I really and truly hate all men. All they can do is nag, bitch, gripe or whatever it is you want to call about anything and everything. They can play loud music, talk to you how ever they want too, make you feel really small like.

Roommate wants to know why we are no longer close. I am not at his beck and call. He never does anything with me, for me nor can I depend on him. All I ever do is run after him and his sister. He can make up all the rules for someone to play by but when they do and they don't do what he wants he gets pisst. I am not allowed to get pisst or show any emotions. He keep threatening to move out.

On top of all this I had to fight with ATT to get my internet working. They said I had Uverse out here where I live. RIGHT!!! Not, could not get the internet connected or stay connected, roommate had an attitude with that and me on top of it all. It took me a whole week to get it fix, and all it had to do with is my account not showing up. I kept getting past around from one department to another. Dumbasses. Hey I kept telling you my account number is not working. Must be a mixture of men and blondes working together.

I also have to put up with other peoples rudeness on my job. I cannot talk on the phone without the coworker yelling for help, or the other fellow coworker not pitching in, thinks because he is on a release of some form means he does not have to help out when it is needed. We are short handed and my boss is having to help else where and others are either sick or have appointments to keep.

I am at the point in my life where I need to finish school, keep myself employeed, get out of debt and to find a house. I have my mom to worry about and my son who thinks he is a man but still a child. Does not yet know how to think like a human being.

I guess enough bitching. I will catch you all later. Night Night

Feb 7, 2012

Why do people think it is okay to take their crap out on me? Is it because I am handy, available or whatever. I don't know. I don't do anything to anyone I keep to myself as much as I can. I have learned not to ask for help, to go out with me, spend time with me etc. I have always been there for others but they are never there for me accept as a punching bag of sorts.

I am so freaking tired. I am yelled at because the internet does not work properly, the dogs pissing & shitting in the floor. For asking a question that someone does not like or giving the answer that they don't like. I am always the problem they never are the problem.

I want a house of my own. I really do. I just don't know how with such bad credit. I need to do so much stuff I have no idea where to start.

I will come back later.

Feb. 1, 2012

Hey bloggers. I hope your having a wonderful year so far. Can you believe it? We already have one month gone. Now do we hope the ground hog see's his shadow in the morning or not. It does not matter to me any more. Also this month is the LOVE month. I think it is another gimmick to get people to spend money on romantic notions. I don't if there is such a thing as love or not, I guess I don't believe it because I have not found it. I have found more jerks, assholes, wanna be lovers, cheats and abusers or those who r a combination of all. I will have to see about saving up my money this month to treat myself. I am going to put out a warning sign, cupid is not allowed here. lol.

I guess I am going to go, catch you all later.

Jan. 21, 2012

Well how is your New Year going? Mine is going okay, it seems like nothing has changed much accept the weather. Today it seems much colder out. I need to go to the store but I may just stay home and wait until Monday, go to the store after work.

My goals are to finish my school, finish my craft projects, work hard and play equally hard. My other goal is to become debt free, and more independent. I am so tired of people telling me they are going to this and that, but nothing really happens. I will not ask for help unless it is totally necessary but in the end I wind up doing things myself. I also want to find my happy place, where everything that comes my way good or bad my attitude stays upbeat in a good place. My mind tends to wander, thoughts of what I should have done, what if this or that had happen and so forth. I even have anger inside, which I wish I can dispel, not sure if that is the right word or if i spelled it correctly. I want my anger gone, to remain gone, not to keep holding in resentment at men, women in what they have done to me.

I woke up on the sofa today, lol. I have been going to bed. I do miss having a TV in the bedroom. I got a sinus cold, my eyes are burning, itchy feeling. I feel like I could lay down and sleep some more.

I want to try to work on my craft projects and maybe play a game. I need to get into a rountine, craft, studying and chatting on the computer during the week & on the weekends games, crafts and chatting. I have to fit in cooking and cleaning in here somewhere, plus my job. I know if I can get into a rountine I will fee much better, less chaotic.

My other goal is to save as much as I can this year, do without. Meaning if I dont have the money to do it or buy it do without until I have the money.

I need to go home (to Kansas, I call both homes in Oklahoma and Kansas home) to get some of my things brought back with me. I also need to take a week off work to thru alot of my things to get rid of lot of stuff, if someone else can refurbish or reuse it in some form I will be happy.

I know I have not posted much lately. I am working hard, and time I get home I don't want to do much of anything. I sometimes don't even want to chat on the computer or check my email when I get home, rather just sit watch tv and do something  else.

I hope you all are having a wonderful New Year and I hope to get into blogging more.

Take care
Shelly