I am so frustrated, angry, upset with myself. I am so tired of trying to save money, to enjoy life on nothing, do without as much as I can and all I get is more expenses more of my money gone.
Truck $291.61 per month, plus another $1575 to fix the AC there goes my trip to my moms. I need 2 jobs or roommate.
I don't think I want another roommate. The last few were horrible, I got conned by one of them so now I owe my son $2500, he has lost his job and I cannot even repay back that money that I know he can use. The 1st roommate I was treated like POS (pile of shit). I was there for his family and himself, I was forgotten. 2nd roommate tried to bully me, he left as well.
Everyone keeps telling me it may get better but I don't need a maybes, or it mights. I need to feel like things will get better. I have to feel it and right now I don't feel that it will.
I want a 2nd job. I am told I should not due to health reason. 1. I have type 2 diabetes. 2. I have coughing fits every now and then. I sometimes cough so hard I pee my pants or crap in them not good. Bad enough I have a very loose bowl movement at inopportune times - (out of blue you crap your pants, no warning etc). 3. It would interfer with me trying to finish school. 4. I would never have any time for myself or to take good care of myself. All I want is my bills caught up and money in the bank just like everyone else. I want to get to the point where I can by my own small farm so I can my dogs and my moms dogs, cats etc. to be able to paint my house pepto bismal pink if I wanted or whatever color I want and not worry about someone saying hum you cannot do that, have to follow the rules.
I feel so limited right now. I am fighting for my existance. I see people standing besides intersections begging for money, that could be me someday and it is really a humble feeling when you feel that way. I want to be comfortable. Not to worry about anything.
I know Pray, Meditate, don't let it get to you so they tell me and a few other things, I am told it will get better just wish I can see some kind of improvement. My mom things I cannot save money that all I want to do is spend. Hum gee thanks mom for those kind thoughts. I so badly want to prove everyone wrong that I can save money that I don't spend whatever I get on stupid things.
I knot this post does not make much since but I am blowing off steam. I may be back off and on through out the work day. I have to get things off my chest so to speak.
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