I have felt like I am on a emotional roller coaster. I have my mom to worry about, my health to worry about and I do worry about my son. I have no one I can talk to, no one to go to for help.I do wish I was at the stage where I can work 2 job instead of one. Right now that is how I feel.
I am told to accept what is as is, but it is very hard. I am told to meditate. I cannot sit still or keep my mind quiet for 1 hr or so. I am lucky if I can get my mind to be quiet for 2 seconds. I don't know how many times I have told myself to shut up.
I wish I can make those around me happy, mainly those that care about me. I wish I was happy. I wish for a lot of things - XBOX One, house of my own in the country, horse to ride for relaxation, rescue animals from abuse and neglect. I wish I can take better care of my mom, provide us with food on the table. I feel like it is depression times at the moment. I need to learn how to live off of beans and other legumes.
I also need to find a receipt from going to the Eye Dr.so that I can get my insurance to approve the spending for it. I have to call them in the morning. I also thought I had paid my DirectTv twice so I had to call them to make sure. I gave up my Wow subscription to pay bills and have food. I did not get everything I need at the store. So badly in the needs of socks, underwear, pants and shirts as well.
Man I complain alot and I sound very needy. I guess I will go to bed now. I am not making much sense to myself.
Take care all
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