May 03, 2012

I am so angry. I just figured if I posted why I am angry and who I am angry at it may help relieve some of it. I think my blogging is helping me some but I still feel like I am whining, gripping, complaining or whatever you want to call it. I do not want people to feel sorry for me.

I want to send Mr. Ronald Craig Thompson emails, call him tell him yes you are abusive persons, that you used me for your benefit and your sisters benefit, you lied to me I know you had sex with me and someone else, and you never kept your word to me or my family, but I was expected to keep my word to you and to your family. You also are a cheat you, owed me 2 months rent plus part of another, used the washer, dryer & refrigerator as an excuse to not pay what you owe. I have followed you and your family like a faithful puppy, eating where you wanted to eat, watching movies you wanted be it at home or theater, not once did any of do anything I wanted to do when asked. I paid for your freaking payperview movies, tried to fix the foods you like but you still were not happy. I don't think you know how to be happy or how to treat people. Now you have a girl friend, i bet you were having sex with her and me both, now your like the ex's. You have called me rude, inconsiderate, selfish now I am nuts, crazy, and wacko. Yes your like my father now. How about the time you took crap out on me at the shop, or accussing me of wanting to be with someone else, I am a nice person just wanted to please people but I guess you could not see that. I even passed up an opportunity to get network experience because you was afraid I ws going to have sex with someone, hum that sounds alot like you dont it.

I to can come up with expenses, how about the many times you and your sister forgot to come get me on my job I had wait at least 2 hrs for you guys, or the many times you had me waiting for you on my job to come get me, or the gas I had to put back in to my vehicle because you both ran it on empty almost and left me none to get back to work on. Or how about the time I took off my job to take you to your job, I put more gas in my truck to get you and come back home on than what you think. Not counting how you tore my truck up, blowing out my tire by driving 90 miles per hour down the road. Or how about you breaking my dome light huh. You said you would fix those but never did, you expected me to nag you to get things. If I nagged you would have gotten pissted, if I did not nag you you got pisst, if I told how i felt about your treatment to me you would have gotten pisst, and so forth. It seems no matter what you got pisst at me. I even tried to pay half the rent you took that rent to pay for your sisters, fine. That is too okay. Then I am paying rent and bills, covering your butt on the rent. Still I get crapped on, being nice to your sister and helping her when I could, still you crapped on me. It was okay for you to bring Tipp in the house letting him chew on my insence sticks, a straw and shit and piss in the house or in my apartment never did you say much about that but my dogs yes you did. You said I got my way all the time no I do not. I worked for whatever it is I have and got.

How many times did you take your frustration out on me, and I think you found things to start a fight.  It was either the internet, thinking I kicked you off, or downloading things etc. Then I got the dogs those were another excuse for you to take shit out on me. I think you would have found something to take your anger out on me about. You said you was not doing that but you have to realize AT&T was not there and my dogs cannot defend themselves, you even blamed my mom for not potty training them properly gee if i said anything like that you or your sister you would have gotten pisst at me. I cannot say anything to you, or talk to you about anything without you getting pisst. You made up rules for me and my family but none for you and your family.

You never went to meet my mom so how do you know how or what the house smells like. I have asked you to help me figure out the wiring on the house and roof so I could help my mom, asked you for help on my truck but no u never answered or really wanted to do anything with me or for me and my family that would be to much for your lazy ass to do.

I guess That is enough for now but I know I have more I would like to say, but I have to get back to work.

April 20, 2012

They say April showers brings May flowers, but they did not say when it rains it pours. I have had to fix my truck yesterday about to loose my rear end, not really but felt like the monks were chasing me every now and then. My exhaust pipe on my muffler about fell off so every time I hit a bump I would here a ding sound. Then I went for a walk came home to turn on my dryer guess what. It did not want to start, like rats. I could not get the plate off the back to see if lent was causing the problem or if there was a belt busted.

I am one of those if I can fix it myself I will do so, calling repair man is the last resort.

I keep having this weird feeling that the ex roommate will want to move back in. I hope to god that is wrong feeling. I do want someone else in my life to call me weird, waco, nuts etc. I am a very emotional person. When I am upset or mad I throw things and I scream like a shrew. I do not blame people for my failings but I get blamed for theirs.

Now I said I don't want another man, but it be nice to find someone. I do not want someone to abuse me, call me names, or try to make me feel little. I also don't want someone to come in and threaten me or my pets. I do not deserve that, no woman does. For some reason I keep finding these men that has had some sort of past life history of mental illness, craziness etc. I also love the men that when you tell them your financial problems bam, they are asking for your account information. Please help me to collect this money from this person. All I need is a bank account, and the rest of ur info. Dude I am not stupid. But you try to explain things to them and they don't listen. They are either foreigners or american in a foreign land. I am stuck here, i am being kidnapped etc. I just dont believe them unless they can show my proof of the tragedy in their lives.

I am still looking for a roommate. I have not found one you. I do not even talk to his sister. I guess she believed him and whatever texts he showed her. I never bashed him or talked down to him. I do complain about how i am treated either here on in facebook. I asked her (his sis) if I filled her head full of crap. She said she was not going to get in the middle of it and something else about bashing. I just called her, did not speak to her but left voice mail because that is what I got. I told I am sorry for whatever it is I have said, or ask probably should not have said or asked and I will not bother you anymore. I have kept my word.

I do keep my word to the best of my ability, but tired of those that do not. I am tired of asking for help and told I cannot, will not , do not want to or I am in the middle of something. What gets me is they expect me to drop what I am doing for them and if don't then I am rude, ill mannered, etc. My dogs were treated badly because I was supposedly mean to his but you know I don't remember being mean to his dog (ex roommate). No I don't want someone else right now.

I am now considering bankruptcy just to get out of debt. I am tired of the majority of my money going to doctor bills, taxes, credit card, student loans, plus the regular bills. I was told by the attorney I am border line for chapter 7 but may qualify for chapter 13. So I have to get 6 months worth of check stubs, and 3 months of bank statements plus my credit report. It be nice to repair what credit I do have. I was told that if I filed bankruptcy my chances of becoming a federal employee will be hard. I do know I cannot file on my student loans which will give me a chance to rebuild my credit which is good.

I guess i fill up a month plus on what is going on. I have more to say but I better get back to work.

March 31, 2012

I wish I was stronger person. I am so tired of being weak. I have lost myself again.

I don't know what else to say. I guess I will feel sorry for myself.

March 30, 2012

Well I done it again. I found another man who wants me to be a friend with benefit while he is interested in someone else. I don't think so. We can be friends but without the benefit. I am no one toy. I have news for him no more sex. No more anything. I have been more of a friend to him and his family than he has been to mine.

Why do I keep finding men that are that way? All they want to do is use you, abuse you, cheat on you and lie to you. They never mean what they say unless they speak to you in anger then that is when their true feelings come out.

OH I finally had an STD test. Yes it came back positive for herpes type 2. I have no idea who gave it to me. I have also found out that my Aunt who has the same type of symptoms I have has them too. She has only been with her husband and after he passed away which I would say over 20 years ago, and no one else has herpes too. Guess what she is a diabetic as well. So I am not sure if I got mine from someone else or it is another complication due to my being a diabetic. I keep having urinary tract infections as well. Another complication to being a diabetic.

I came home my 1st home to be with  my mom and son for a week. I had to take off work, 40 hrs of vacation or loose it. I have had a blast. I was going to down size some more but did not accomplish much. I visited with my mom, helped her out some. I also spent some time with my son when he was not working. We went to see Hunger Games it was good movies. I spend to much money when I come to my moms and go out with my son. lol. I wish I can hep my mom out some more with the house and things. I feel so bad and guilty.

I will be going back home tomorrow. I have to get back in time to pay the landlord the rent. I wish I could fix my mess and find a house of my own.

Any how I hope and pray things go good for everyone. I know I need to post more here and it seems like the only time I post anything is when I am in a sad or bad mood. I will try to do better.

Take care,
Shelly

Mar. 10, 2012

I hate, I mean I really and truly hate all men. All they can do is nag, bitch, gripe or whatever it is you want to call about anything and everything. They can play loud music, talk to you how ever they want too, make you feel really small like.

Roommate wants to know why we are no longer close. I am not at his beck and call. He never does anything with me, for me nor can I depend on him. All I ever do is run after him and his sister. He can make up all the rules for someone to play by but when they do and they don't do what he wants he gets pisst. I am not allowed to get pisst or show any emotions. He keep threatening to move out.

On top of all this I had to fight with ATT to get my internet working. They said I had Uverse out here where I live. RIGHT!!! Not, could not get the internet connected or stay connected, roommate had an attitude with that and me on top of it all. It took me a whole week to get it fix, and all it had to do with is my account not showing up. I kept getting past around from one department to another. Dumbasses. Hey I kept telling you my account number is not working. Must be a mixture of men and blondes working together.

I also have to put up with other peoples rudeness on my job. I cannot talk on the phone without the coworker yelling for help, or the other fellow coworker not pitching in, thinks because he is on a release of some form means he does not have to help out when it is needed. We are short handed and my boss is having to help else where and others are either sick or have appointments to keep.

I am at the point in my life where I need to finish school, keep myself employeed, get out of debt and to find a house. I have my mom to worry about and my son who thinks he is a man but still a child. Does not yet know how to think like a human being.

I guess enough bitching. I will catch you all later. Night Night

Feb 7, 2012

Why do people think it is okay to take their crap out on me? Is it because I am handy, available or whatever. I don't know. I don't do anything to anyone I keep to myself as much as I can. I have learned not to ask for help, to go out with me, spend time with me etc. I have always been there for others but they are never there for me accept as a punching bag of sorts.

I am so freaking tired. I am yelled at because the internet does not work properly, the dogs pissing & shitting in the floor. For asking a question that someone does not like or giving the answer that they don't like. I am always the problem they never are the problem.

I want a house of my own. I really do. I just don't know how with such bad credit. I need to do so much stuff I have no idea where to start.

I will come back later.

Feb. 1, 2012

Hey bloggers. I hope your having a wonderful year so far. Can you believe it? We already have one month gone. Now do we hope the ground hog see's his shadow in the morning or not. It does not matter to me any more. Also this month is the LOVE month. I think it is another gimmick to get people to spend money on romantic notions. I don't if there is such a thing as love or not, I guess I don't believe it because I have not found it. I have found more jerks, assholes, wanna be lovers, cheats and abusers or those who r a combination of all. I will have to see about saving up my money this month to treat myself. I am going to put out a warning sign, cupid is not allowed here. lol.

I guess I am going to go, catch you all later.