Aug. 06, 2014

You want to know something. I really don't wake up tired from staying up late. I wake up with sinus headache and then I am tired. My eyes are burning, my head is swollen feeling. Or I am having one of those days when all I do is cough.

I wish I can write a book like Laurell  K Hamilton orSherrilyn Kenyon. I have an artistic side just don't know how to develop it. I like crafting, reading and home improvement stores. It is a good things I don't visit them every pay day or I would not have any money after bills paid. I do miss the stores though and I can spend more than 1 hour in those stores too.

I need to finish a blanket and a doiley I guess if I remember I will take some pictures to post here.

I don't know what else to talk about. I know people out in this world don't give a rats behind (nice way of saying) about what is going on in my life. I could write about my past in hopes to exorcise the demons and create a more positive attitude and a more relaxed, calmer me.

I will catch you all later. I must try to go to work.

Ta Ta Ta
Shelly

July 31, 2014 Long due Post

I am at work for the moment. I will try to post stuff off and on more. I will not make any promises but will try.

I am single and alone. I hate that feeling. I love someone who does not really love me or want me in their life only to screw me, play video games and to ignore me most of the other time. I just felt used and after he said what he said it just confirmed what I felt.

He said "there was no love, no attraction, I don't like you, I don't hate you. Something about me seeking attention and I have psychological problems" Also I am a "CRAZY BIPOLAR LIKE BITCH". Really after telling me you love me, just so show he never meant those three words "I Love You". All because argued over stupid video games and I yelled at him when trying to tell him he did not get me these but got me those. Really. Yeah I am pretty darn angry about it. Come to find out he is still married, now I am an adulterer (if that is such a word), but his wife was filing for divorce so she can marry someone else. He has also told someone on a phone in a store that he got this game for a few of his friends and only a few play it, even I don't play the thing. I am, I was trying to finish school. Thanks for the support and putting me down.

I don't understand why people things it is okay to talk to each other that way. It is just so wrong on so many levels. They want you to tell them what your feeling and when you do the get defensive and if you don't they get defensive, cannot win there.

I finally got my mom moved down here. I now have 5 dogs and 1 cat, yeah. I have a small zoo. Only thing missing is the bears, giraffes etc. My relatives to you know those chimps and gorillas that we are so closely related to but your family wont admit it.

Any how I will in chaotic mode. My sentences and words may not make since sometimes I think I am ADHD. Oh well. I will have to get back to work.

Do you know what day it is? Wednesday 26, 2014

Man this is some year. I have no idea what I am doing anymore. Yesterday I had argument with my school. You would think trying to get an answer to one questions would be simple. Nope you more or less get the run around, contact this group of people, or that group of people, so and so say one thing, another so and so said another. Then your made to feel small and stupid.

I also took my neighbor to have gal bladder surgery on top of that. I am having a blast, lol. I guess I will be rewarded in the end I hope.

Not much going on today just working myself to death, stressed and anxieties. I need to finish my school but I suck at test no matter if I go to a center to take them or actual classroom. Oh well I hope I get it all completed but not so sure anymore.

Friday 13, 2013

Man I wish this day would get over with. I am so ready for a long nap. I woke up with a sore throat, sins/stuffy headache and tired feeling. I have this sinus/cold stuff for a week now. It does not go away. You go to the doctors and they are probably sitting there thinking your a drug addict or something. I have gone to several doctors now trying to figure out why I cough alot and I keep telling them what I go through. Nothing is helping.

My neighbors think it is sugar thing, but then they self diagnosed themselves. My mom tells me my grandmother had this constant coughing. I just want to feel better.

Dec. 4, 2013 I took my Oracle Admin I exam. I bombed. Now I have to wait for the school to inform me when I can take the test again. I looked at online it cost $245 for the voucher to take the test. Really who in the world can ford that. I know I cannot.

I am sorry for not posting much here. I have been trying to study for the failed said test and trying to get to feeling better.

I am like thousands of people. I eat, sleep and pay bills, and I worry about my finances.

I will try to post more later.

Shelly

Bitch Session

Well I have no idea what is going on with people at work? I think everyone is in a pissy mood that is for sure. I got threatened with meetings. My response was "do it".

I woke up with my sugar reading 58. That is not good. I am so surprised I got up out of bed.

I am blogging today because of the anger I am holding inside. I love my exroommate but I cannot take being put down anymore, or told I am screaming when I am not. I need some courage to say what I think and feel.

It is like this you don't keep your word, you never follow through on what you say. You tell me your going to help me and do this and that for me but you never meant it. The only thing he means something is when he is pisst and insulting. Or whinning about not getting the ice cream he asked for etc. Does he ever wonder why I don't ask him to fix my vehicle, change the oil etc. I don't have time to sit and wait on someone.

I have to figure out how to spend $50 on a book for my class then put at least $50 to $75 back into my savings without killing myself or short changing myself each month. It is going to be a struggle. Plus I am letting them take extra out of my paycheck for my medical expenses. This is so frustrating. I am trying to keep all my receipts and expenses, so I hope that will help come tax time. I feel like a 80 year old woman because of the meds I take. .

I guess that is enough belly aching for the moment. I may be back tomorrow. I have a huge headache.

Thank Goodness it is Friday!!!

Thank GOD it is Friday.

I am tired. I am having a hard time remembering any time in my adult life and childhood where I, myself and family were ever happy. I keep look at these self help articles on line. How to become a happy person, a more positive person,

It is much harder than you think it is. I have looked past my life as of today. Do I remember a time in my life when I was ever happy. I don't. Do I remember my family ever having good and happy times. Again I don't. I wonder why that is.

My family was very, very dysfunctional growing up. I was always compared to someone in the family or outside the family. My dad tried to keep me sheltered which I think now a parent should never shelter a child. I have more memories of my mom and dad fighting, separating getting back together. Then when I got old enough my dad started be strict with me, hum not sure I want to say strict. All I knew if I looked the wrong way I got smacked. If I defended myself or someone I got smacked. I got smacked for giving a dirty look. My dad and I got into it physical once, I have flash backs of him doing that to my mom, but he has never as far as I know done that to my brother. I try not to dwell on all of this but I do. Maybe I should blog about my past and the things I have done. I have forgotten some of it so may have to embellish a bit, but it would be 90% truth.

I am trying to finish my certification courses, sucks because there is not enough time in the evenings go to back through the recordings to get all the information and to do the labs. 40 hours of class time in to the evenings no such luck. I have tried I want to try to put myself on a schedule but that is mute point because I never stick to it. I never stick to anything and finish what I have started. I really would love to change that.

Now these self help articles to become more happy and postive. How many times in a day can say I love myself, I am a good person, I am beautiful before you feel like your vain or become tired of hearing yourself talk about you. I am told to meditate and prayers okay. When does a person have time to do that. You get up, shower, get ready for work. You come home from work, cook and pick up then what forget about life, tv etc you study. I wish my brain had more absorbancy to let everything sink in. And now I am suppose to look the good into everything I see and do, does not matter if it is bad or good. I just have to see the good in life.

I have nothing to say when I am around people. And when I do I feel like I am talking about me to much and I am complaining being negative. I need to hang around more positive people, but would that be boring at times. Hum Maybe.

I will post more at a later date. May I just try to post somethings of my child hood, teen and adult life. It will sound just as mixed up as I do.

July 23, 2013

What should I post today? I know I have not been posting much here. It is like all I do is talk about me and the stuff that I go through. I know they are being read but I guess I am not that interesting of a person.

I have my dogs a flea dip / flea bath outside. It was good and a bad thing. Good because did not have to use towels or make a mess bad new is the dogs went to rolling in the grass soon as I was done.

My neighbor borrowed my lawnmower. Now I have to get the blade replaced. She said her friend has some blades but I may have to do the attempt myself. I am not totally 100% mechanically inclined but I am not afraid to get greasy and oily. In fact I like to do some hard, physical work where I am busy and my mind is focused on something else other that fretting and worrying about stuff that is out of my control.

I know I should post stuff more often due to that I think it helps me out mentally and emotionally. I just feel like I am always angry, never in a relaxed state of mind. I guess if I can get it off my chest so to speak then maybe I can let it go and not worry about it anymore. I can always go back and read my post and wonder why I got so angry in the 1st place.

I guess this is enough for now. I have thought about posting what I did, etc but I figure you guys would probably say oh here is another one that is full of herself.

Bye for now