Jan. 02, 2013

Well It is a New Year. I have not made to many resolutions. Not sure what it is I want to do. I do know I want to finish my school, my 3 certifications that I have left. I do want to get out of debt, rid of the medical bills and so forth.  My resolutions are to get out of debt, to eat better and exercise along with learning how to relax, and remove the stress so that I can cut back on going to the doctors and maybe my meds would reduce. I am tired of always being sick, trying to cough my brains out both ends, lol, tired of being tired and so forth. To finish what I have started, school projects etc.

I still love someone who does not really love me. But I don't think he understand what that means. I know for a fact that he does not love me. He told me that I still turned him on, but not sure what is meant by that. He came over the other night but all I could think about was that he was with someone else. Not sure if he was or not but I just kept thinking about that, and it just ruined things. I was also and always sore or in some kind of pain so that does not help out much.

I so badly want to forget the past and move on either with this person if he really truly wants me or finding someone who wants to be with me and can really love me with his heart and soul. I love sex but to me having someone love me, really wants to be with me is a much more turn on and it makes me feel good and happy. I lay in this person arms when he wants to and I am smiling while going to sleep. I know I am smiling while my eyes are closed and dreaming.

I wonder what our dreams tells us. I mean I have dreamed of us getting back together but the fact that I was left for another girl it still kind of hurts. It also has me thinking if he done it once he will do it again. I am so confused and messed up it is so pathetic.

I am going to try to cook better foods but hard to cook for just me. I really am going to do my best. Well I guess I should get off here and think about going to bed.

Happy New Year everyone
Shelly