Sep 10, 2012

Please why should I give other men chances? I know that people tell me that all men are not the same but for some reason I keep finding my dad, 1st ex husband, 2nd ex husband or any of my ex's boyfriends/lovers/etc. It seems like they have one, two, three or all three personalities. I try not to compare a man to my past experiences but it is really hard not too. It is just when I think I am over something that was done to me, they would do something that would bring it all back.

I try not to be judgmental of everyone but it is very hard. I know I am being compared to this person and that person. Why can't I be like so and so? If so and so can do this or that, does that mean I have to or should? Life is just confusing and hard. I am so sorry if I hurt anyone in anyway and I hope to God that I am forgiven. I am so sorry if I have not ever given you a chance, it is me i am just scared of letting anyone in anymore.

Or maybe it is me and people in general I have problems with. I sometimes feel like I need to go to counselling to find out how neurotic I really am or maybe I am just anti social in general. I have not posted in here a long time. I guess I really need to get back into this. I am not sure how much of help it really is but I guess but it is good way of getting things off my chest.

ExRoommate Boyfriend whatever you were to me

I am talking to you this way because I still get to emotional to talk and Sunday I just could not talk to you or get way from you fast enough and I do not know how to talk to you without getting emotional and you really don't like that nor do you care.

Define the word Like me? Why did you like me? Your words never match your actions. I have felt that you never really liked me nor did I feel like you really cared for me.

 

Do I believe that you like me for me? No. You wanted me to be more like you & sister. 

Do I believe that you like me so that I would help you and your family? Yes, my family never really mattered you had one set of rules for my me and family and none for yours.  

Do I believe that you wanted me and someone else at the same time? Yes, just had that feeling. 

Do I believe that you treated me like my dad who took his frustration out on me and my mom due to stress, anger etc? Yes, accept you never hit me you just did it is emotionally and mentally. The only good thing was that you never hit me because that would have been a big mistake and something I wont cower from.

Do I believe your like both my ex's that the only time you spent with me was when you wanted, felt like or need something? Yes, I was there more for you than anything else.

Do I believe your like my 2nd ex? Yes because of the anger & frustration problems.

Do I believe you had sex with me and someone else while you was living with me (I had several someones before you to do that to me, only wanted a friend with benefit but never a benefit to me only to them)? Yes, I did not deserve to be treated that way. I deserve someone who really wants me, willing to hang out with me. When did you hang out with me of your own free will, did something I wanted to even though you would not have or did not like it. Never!!!

Do I believe that I can trust you , depend on and that you will keep your word? No, you never done any of that. You broke your word to me several times. You have given me every reason in the world to distrust you. I could not really depend on you, everything was to be done in your own time and in your way other words when you felt like it.

Do I believe that I can come to you for anything and help? No, you have proven to me that I can only depend up on myself. I have asked for help, advice on finding mechanics, parts etc for my truck, but I either got no answer or just plain ignored. I even tried to get you to work on the truck when you was at the shop and I would have paid for it. I even asked you for help for my mom, I got nothing from you but empty and broken words.

Do I believe you had any feelings for me at all, that you cared? No, you were with involved someone else but had sex with me and me being dumb I allowed. I allowed a lot of things that should not have happened but kept my mouth shut because I did not want the arguments and such.

Do I believe we were ever in a relationship? No never did because you had someone else and you did not want a relationship with me, we were only friends. (Me being there for you but you never there for me). I was more of a friend with benefit. 

 

Do I believe that you fixed my truck as a courtesy? No. You fixed my truck for another reason and I did not ask you to. I have been after you to fix the belt on the truck, the ball joints or struts, another rim etc,  even when you worked at the shop. I just stopped asking, I have even stop asking for you to help me find a mechanic to get it fixed even after you left the shop. I just stopped asking you for anything when you never responded or followed through when you said you would. I do not have the time nor the energy to nag someone to get something done or to put up with someone giving me an attitude from the nagging.

Why do you like me still? You made it plain you wanted nothing to do with me you even blocked me from your phone. So I have left you and your family alone. And now you have girl friend, someone else you was interested or whatever you want to call it. My feelings never really mattered anyhow. So why do you expect me to continue to ask you for help? So you can tell me no, your busy, you will in your own time and so forth. You also made it plain that your sister did not want me texting or anything else of that nature so I assumed you did not want us to be friends either, I have deleted her number from my phone book as well. So I have left you all alone the best I could. 

You hurt me really bad. I am not hung up on my ex's I just have major trust issues. Nor will I go back with them. I have done a lot to help you and your family out. And I have done whatever you wanted, movies, restaurants and I was never asked what i wanted to go see or do. All I got for my being nice, caring about you , and helping people is my truck tore up in more ways than one, being called names, screwed out of 2 months rent, and a few other things along with someone taking their frustration, problems & stress out on me and my pets (I was never mean to Tip, accept when I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck to push him off of me). You never ever kept your word to me or to my family (keeping your word was what mattered the most to me than anything else you have done to me). All I got was nothing from you and some accusations. Before you think to bring up the refrigerator, washer & dryer and other charges. You need to think about me taking off my job to take you to yours, loaning your sis my truck and you driving my truck when you worked at the shop, and paying her rent when I tried to pay for my half of the rent. I have also paid months rent plus the bills when you got the washer & dryer; having to give up some personal bills and other things to make sure major bills get paid not counting the stuff you put me through. I am not going to continue because this is pointless and you never really cared. Not once, NOT ONCE did I complain about any of it and maybe I should have but you know it would not have made a difference because you did not care about me at all. 

How can I believe that you still like me when you moved out? Had another girl friend or someone else you was interested in. I know you were never interested in me & you took your stress, frustration, etc out on me and my pets. I just cannot believe you still like me and if it is the truth I have to wonder why. I honestly don't understand people, men. I should not have ever asked you about the truck. I don't have a boyfriend, or anyone else. I am just tired of finding the same type of men over and over again. I am not sleeping with anyone or sleeping around. I just don't want a man in my life anymore.

I will not be made to fill small and insignificant, like I don't matter not by you or anyone else. I am playing WOW again when I can afford it, finishing school and getting a 2nd opinion on my health and going back to Church. I have deleted you from WOW and off my phone.

You have a good life and please leave me alone. 

Shelly D. Scott
ShellyBautista@hotmail.com

 boy

Jun. 6, 2012

My son. I know you think you are a man now and that your following your own path. I know you need to make your own mistakes so you can learn life's lessons but there are some lessons I wish you would never know. Like not having a job to go to, or finding work because you think quitting is the answer and taking a chance on going to your dad's what if you do not get a job down there, you wont have one to come back to. What if you gave them your 2 weeks notice on your current job but you did not find a job and they won't give you yours back. I just want you to think before leaping into something you do not know what may or may not happen.

It is not that I don't have faith in you. I just want you to really think about what your going to do with your life and make it the life you want to have.

I love you my son, just wish you would listen and consider my thoughts and feelings on this but I know that will not happen. I sometimes feel like you do not really care about anyone me, your grandmother or anyone else.

I wish you the best in this world have a nice life.

I love you,
Love mom

May 24, 2015 letter to exroommate

I have seen/known it from the time we moved in together that you never really had any feelings for me at all, that you never really cared.  Your actions never matched the words that you spoke. I was the stupid one for believing that you were totally different though your past was not perfect. You are just the same as my dad, ex's and no I will not be or stay with anyone with those traits any more I would rather live alone than keep putting myself through this time after time. It is like having been a war, you think you have forgotten but something happens, noise etc and it all comes back.

I started to loose all respect for you as a person, I could not ever trust you with anything and your constant mood swings, and I could not ever believe in anything you had to say. You never ever kept your word to me which was a major turn off, comparing me to your sister & othesr another major turn off, as well as the other things I have just listed. You did not understand my being a diabetic, you thought I could be just like you in so many ways, but I am not you, you compared me to Jay and your Sister did you not ever realize that I was just me. Nope. You were not my ex's either but you did a lot of things that reminded me of them including my dad. I never told you how I felt because I dont knoow how many times you told me you did not care, or I just did not want to fight with you about it because I was always in the wrong and you were always right.

You put charges against the rent you owe to me. You owe me this respect & consideration which I never got from you and your sister. I never walked into her house done as I please I never insulted her over the dogs or the state of mess her house was in, how she raised her kids. It was okay for her to call the dog food I bought Tip crap, the furniture I brought back from my moms junk or crap. It was okay because you thought it was, but I am not to talk like that to her. How about the times I took off my job to take you to yours, the blow out on my truck when you drove 90 mile an hour down the road that tore off my bumper & mud flap, the dome light all of these you said you would fix but never did. I had to put gas in my truck when you and your sister ran it out because I did not have anough to get me thru the week or day to work. Or how about the emotional and mental abuse that I received due to the internet or something stupid. I even paid rent and bills when you got the washer & dryer. I even paid your sisters rent when I tried to pay for my half of the rent - but that was not how you wanted to do things. As for me getting my way and getting what I want. I worked hard for everything I got. No one, no man, woman or child has helped me to get where I am at now. It was okay for you to tell me that to treat your sister like family but when I asked you not to cause a scene I got the meanest, dirtiest look (honestly that is what my dad did to me and he too did not care). It was okay tell me it was not okay for your sister to be without a vehicle but hinted it was okay for me to be without mine so she would not miss work or run her kids here and there. I done alot for you and your sister but to have you treat me with disregard or like a pile of shit that was just wrong. You took whatever problem you had with me out on my dogs, you accused my mom and us not training them very well. You basically put my family down but it was not okay for me to say anything negative to you about your family and kids. How many times did I take care of Tip, clean up after dog crap and piss at the apartment and at the house. I did not complain maybe a little dramatic at times but really. You said you would help my mom when they almost burnt the house down, u said we would go one weekend but dumped us for your sister to move a piano that never happened. You wanted to go to my moms on a Saturday & come back on a Sunday that was not really fair to me when I don't get to see her every day. Everything was done when you wanted & when you felt like it. You had rules for my family if they moved down here but none for your family. You called me rude, inconsiderate, selfish and a few other words but I think that how you was describing yourself because that is how you treated me.

 

I did not know I had herpes until I just decided to get checked, I thought my health problems were due to the urniary tract infection that never went away & the constant yeast infections. My aunt who is a diabetic is having the same problems as I am and she has only been with one person her entire life. My being a diabetic complicates my life something you don't understand, or maybe you just did not care to understand. I did or use to get blisters on my lips when I was younger from swimming in the lakes, my mom did have that checked out at that time they did not diagonis it as being herpes they said it was due to the pollution in the lakes so who knows how long I have had or where I got it. Did you know you can have herpes & never know until you have a breakout. Mine is from my diabetes my system being so low and down. Being a diabetic means my imune system is affected.

You are mean spirited, cold hearted man who treats people in a bad way. Some day Karma is going to bite you in the rear end. You do people wrong it will come back to hit you 10 times as hard as what you did to them.

I hope you and your girlfriend make but honestly you are going to do her the way you have done other women - bcz you think it is okay. You have no respect for others nor for yourself and I feel sorry for you because of it.

Shelly D. Scott
620-870-8506
ShellyBautista@hotmail.com

May 03, 2012

I am so angry. I just figured if I posted why I am angry and who I am angry at it may help relieve some of it. I think my blogging is helping me some but I still feel like I am whining, gripping, complaining or whatever you want to call it. I do not want people to feel sorry for me.

I want to send Mr. Ronald Craig Thompson emails, call him tell him yes you are abusive persons, that you used me for your benefit and your sisters benefit, you lied to me I know you had sex with me and someone else, and you never kept your word to me or my family, but I was expected to keep my word to you and to your family. You also are a cheat you, owed me 2 months rent plus part of another, used the washer, dryer & refrigerator as an excuse to not pay what you owe. I have followed you and your family like a faithful puppy, eating where you wanted to eat, watching movies you wanted be it at home or theater, not once did any of do anything I wanted to do when asked. I paid for your freaking payperview movies, tried to fix the foods you like but you still were not happy. I don't think you know how to be happy or how to treat people. Now you have a girl friend, i bet you were having sex with her and me both, now your like the ex's. You have called me rude, inconsiderate, selfish now I am nuts, crazy, and wacko. Yes your like my father now. How about the time you took crap out on me at the shop, or accussing me of wanting to be with someone else, I am a nice person just wanted to please people but I guess you could not see that. I even passed up an opportunity to get network experience because you was afraid I ws going to have sex with someone, hum that sounds alot like you dont it.

I to can come up with expenses, how about the many times you and your sister forgot to come get me on my job I had wait at least 2 hrs for you guys, or the many times you had me waiting for you on my job to come get me, or the gas I had to put back in to my vehicle because you both ran it on empty almost and left me none to get back to work on. Or how about the time I took off my job to take you to your job, I put more gas in my truck to get you and come back home on than what you think. Not counting how you tore my truck up, blowing out my tire by driving 90 miles per hour down the road. Or how about you breaking my dome light huh. You said you would fix those but never did, you expected me to nag you to get things. If I nagged you would have gotten pissted, if I did not nag you you got pisst, if I told how i felt about your treatment to me you would have gotten pisst, and so forth. It seems no matter what you got pisst at me. I even tried to pay half the rent you took that rent to pay for your sisters, fine. That is too okay. Then I am paying rent and bills, covering your butt on the rent. Still I get crapped on, being nice to your sister and helping her when I could, still you crapped on me. It was okay for you to bring Tipp in the house letting him chew on my insence sticks, a straw and shit and piss in the house or in my apartment never did you say much about that but my dogs yes you did. You said I got my way all the time no I do not. I worked for whatever it is I have and got.

How many times did you take your frustration out on me, and I think you found things to start a fight.  It was either the internet, thinking I kicked you off, or downloading things etc. Then I got the dogs those were another excuse for you to take shit out on me. I think you would have found something to take your anger out on me about. You said you was not doing that but you have to realize AT&T was not there and my dogs cannot defend themselves, you even blamed my mom for not potty training them properly gee if i said anything like that you or your sister you would have gotten pisst at me. I cannot say anything to you, or talk to you about anything without you getting pisst. You made up rules for me and my family but none for you and your family.

You never went to meet my mom so how do you know how or what the house smells like. I have asked you to help me figure out the wiring on the house and roof so I could help my mom, asked you for help on my truck but no u never answered or really wanted to do anything with me or for me and my family that would be to much for your lazy ass to do.

I guess That is enough for now but I know I have more I would like to say, but I have to get back to work.

April 20, 2012

They say April showers brings May flowers, but they did not say when it rains it pours. I have had to fix my truck yesterday about to loose my rear end, not really but felt like the monks were chasing me every now and then. My exhaust pipe on my muffler about fell off so every time I hit a bump I would here a ding sound. Then I went for a walk came home to turn on my dryer guess what. It did not want to start, like rats. I could not get the plate off the back to see if lent was causing the problem or if there was a belt busted.

I am one of those if I can fix it myself I will do so, calling repair man is the last resort.

I keep having this weird feeling that the ex roommate will want to move back in. I hope to god that is wrong feeling. I do want someone else in my life to call me weird, waco, nuts etc. I am a very emotional person. When I am upset or mad I throw things and I scream like a shrew. I do not blame people for my failings but I get blamed for theirs.

Now I said I don't want another man, but it be nice to find someone. I do not want someone to abuse me, call me names, or try to make me feel little. I also don't want someone to come in and threaten me or my pets. I do not deserve that, no woman does. For some reason I keep finding these men that has had some sort of past life history of mental illness, craziness etc. I also love the men that when you tell them your financial problems bam, they are asking for your account information. Please help me to collect this money from this person. All I need is a bank account, and the rest of ur info. Dude I am not stupid. But you try to explain things to them and they don't listen. They are either foreigners or american in a foreign land. I am stuck here, i am being kidnapped etc. I just dont believe them unless they can show my proof of the tragedy in their lives.

I am still looking for a roommate. I have not found one you. I do not even talk to his sister. I guess she believed him and whatever texts he showed her. I never bashed him or talked down to him. I do complain about how i am treated either here on in facebook. I asked her (his sis) if I filled her head full of crap. She said she was not going to get in the middle of it and something else about bashing. I just called her, did not speak to her but left voice mail because that is what I got. I told I am sorry for whatever it is I have said, or ask probably should not have said or asked and I will not bother you anymore. I have kept my word.

I do keep my word to the best of my ability, but tired of those that do not. I am tired of asking for help and told I cannot, will not , do not want to or I am in the middle of something. What gets me is they expect me to drop what I am doing for them and if don't then I am rude, ill mannered, etc. My dogs were treated badly because I was supposedly mean to his but you know I don't remember being mean to his dog (ex roommate). No I don't want someone else right now.

I am now considering bankruptcy just to get out of debt. I am tired of the majority of my money going to doctor bills, taxes, credit card, student loans, plus the regular bills. I was told by the attorney I am border line for chapter 7 but may qualify for chapter 13. So I have to get 6 months worth of check stubs, and 3 months of bank statements plus my credit report. It be nice to repair what credit I do have. I was told that if I filed bankruptcy my chances of becoming a federal employee will be hard. I do know I cannot file on my student loans which will give me a chance to rebuild my credit which is good.

I guess i fill up a month plus on what is going on. I have more to say but I better get back to work.

March 31, 2012

I wish I was stronger person. I am so tired of being weak. I have lost myself again.

I don't know what else to say. I guess I will feel sorry for myself.