Oct 22, 2012

I have posted many things here mostly it ws in hurt and anger towards my exroommate. I have come to the conclusion that I still have feelings for my exroommate.

I know I need to forget about him, get over him but how do I do that? Do I find someone just like him? Do I take him back if he wants to come back? I don't know I am confused.

I pray to GOD that if my exroommate was meant for me, show him his way back into my life. Open his heart up for me, or GOD can you find me someone like him either way.

I miss sleeping and waking up in his arms. I miss having my bed full, lol between the dogs and people. I have thought about getting a larger bed but no one seems to notice or listen to me. I miss having someone in the house with me.

My current roommate left moved out with out notice. Then he cries because I told him the neighbor may not work on his car because me moved out and that is in the yard. Then he cries because he paid $275 his share of the rent. Really He paid rent to have his car left behind. It makes it hard to mow the yard because you cannot start it or move it. I am looking for another roommate but not sure if I want another. I would love to have my mom moved down with me her and the dogs. The landlord will or will not complain to much as long as I keep it clean and no chewing on the woodwork. I know my mom would feel better if she was here with me. My son I think is fighting depression, and blames my mother and I for us for moving back in with her and that he thinks his life is over.

I have been going through a lot lately. I am not sure if you want to call it dating or not but I have been going out with a co-worker he is nice and all but I don't have any feeling for him other than friendship. I don't think of him in any other way. I cannot afford to loose my job or make my job uncomfortable to work in.

I have been praying to GOD for someone to coming to my life be it the exroommate, or someone like him. To help me may the payments on my vehicle, and to get my mom down here so I can take care of her.

I will try to post more at a later time.

Shelly

October 14. 2012

I have come to the conclusion that I fell in love with my ex-roommate. I did not know I had such strong feelings for someone until just now. I know he will not ever, cannot, and does not return those feelings. I am thinking and dwelling to much on this and him.

I cannot change things and how they are. I really wish I can move on now, find someone else and just be happy no matter what. It is so hard to do it all.

I guess this is enough for now. I am not sure what else I can say or do. It just know that I hurt so much.