Monday blues

Have you ever had one of those days where you cannot focus on one thing or several things? Or maybe your mind wanders so often that every time you corral it, it just jumps the fence. That is how my day went. I need to focus on my job and learning it better. How about that little voice in your head that won't ever shut up. IT is always going back to the past, or saying I should have done this, should have done and or shouldn't haves, you know the what if, should have and should not have situations. It is like watching reruns on TV, your constantly flipping the channels trying to find a better station. Some of the times I am telling that little voice to shut up. Don't always work but still I tell it to shut up, stop that or go away. 

Want to know what I was thinking? Are you sure? I a sure you it is quite boring. I was thinking of how to clean my house, which walls to work on washing down, how to fix my middle room up into a craft room and wondering how to get my used tv i got from a friend where I can play video games and or watch movies. Then I got to thinking about projects I want to get started on, then there are those I want to finish. 

Only thing is I never feel good. I am fighting exhaustion, sleep, head cold/sinuses and allergies. Those pesky quacks oops I mean doctors cannot figure out why I am coughing so much. I know I am tired of taking a pill for infection, then you have to take another pill to counter act with that, then you have to watch how those pills affects your sugar, mine is either to low but Sunday was really high. I blamed it on the chocolate malt I ate and the upset stomach I was trying to get to go away. Yes I have GERDs, acid reflux or whatever you want to call it, Herpes both types, Type 2 Diabetes. Yeah see what happens when you were wild in your younger years, it catches up.  

It would really be nice and awesome to wake up, sugar levels are stable, no spikes or extremes. The past is gone but not totally forgotten, there when you need to remember not to do that again, lessons learned. It be nice if my family and I got a long better. I don't care of mom and dad are divorced, just tired of the negativity. I am tired of people telling me what my mental stability is. I have a lot of responsibilities, yes I am stressed, Yes I am a bit depressed and I have tons of anxieties due to I worry to much and never learnt how not to.

Any how I have lots of projects to do and cleaning to do. I'm just not a very organized, discipline person. I rather work outside, ride horses (have to find a farm to do that) or  get chased by cows than clean the house. Yeah I miss certain parts of my childhood, do not miss the yelling and screaming but miss the animals and having lots to do. 

I guess I am a basket case, a nut. Oh well. I will talk to you all later. bye.

Crazy Woman putting it politely

I am not nuts, crazy or anything else. I am an emotional person. Everyone is so busy pointing out my faults when those same faults is their own. I won't deny that I have those same faults just tired of everyone pointing them out to me.

Well I don't know what to think or feel anymore. I was told I got an attitude today. I did not snap at anyone in the restaurant, got miffed when I was asking the waitress a question about what came with a plate and how many ribs came with it and the person I was with told me your not getting that. All I was asking at the time was a question. He wanted a family meal and tried to see if his sister wanted to come or not. Then he started to say something bout my attitude then I said I wanted to go home. I think the only time I snapped at him he stopped at another restaurant that was closed and he slammed his truck door. I had an attitude about that then and there but I let it dropped. He said i can pay for but then I would have to wait for him to finish.  I got up paid for my drink which he tired to pay for it.and I walked out the door.  Then he proceeded to yell at me some more and I told him I wanted to go home because I had the shakes. I am a diabetic, I did not eat well today and it dropped due to not eating and I got the shakes.

So everything is my fault not his. He pulled into another location and I said I just wanted to go home. He said I was in his truck he will go and do what he wants to, if I did not like it i can get out and walk so I did. So I am walking home with the shakes and luckily I did not faint or go into a coma.

So everything is still my fault no one wants me, etc., etc.

take care,
catch you later.