I had a cystoscopy done on me. They wanted to check to see if I had any kidney stones, abnormalitys to my bladder and kidneys. They gave me pain meds to take but don't want to take them. My co-workers were surprised to see me at work but if I stayed home I would not have gotten any rest, no one to do anything for me. I ignore my pain and do what I have to do.
I have to wait at least 2 weeks for the results. It just means more meds for me to take.
Not much is going on. Everything is the same old same. I really do not want to complain about people any more. My life is not that exciting so I don't have much to report at the moment.
I will try to write more later.
Bye for now.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Dec. 12, 2011
Don't you hate it when you feel like you go from one frying pan to another. I think that is what has happened to me. I have a roommate who does not care about me and I thought he did. What a fool I am? He told me about what his ex's did to him but does he ever ask me about my ex's no. I don't want to talk about them.
All I ever got from them was to be used. He treats me the roommie like my father, and ex's husband and the last boyfriend. 1st ex's did not want a wife, he wanted his visa card so that he can go to work here in the US not to work on some cattle ranch/farm for $2 something an hour. I paid for his visa boy did I get ripped off, the only thing good that came out of it was my son.
My 1st ex would rather go out get drunk with his friends, do drugs (claims he never did but knew better) have sex with other women the come home want to have sex with me. He would not ever spend any time with me or do anything with me. I put up with this for a few years. Then I had my own little affairs, my 1st husband was never there, every time we would get into a fight he would run to his friends. We only had one vehicle so I was left on foot. My mom helped him to get a job where she worked out, from what I understand my Aunt caught him in the vehicle with another woman. The last straw was when the girls started coming to the house, his friends and their dog come to the house and killed a cat and my ex did nothing to stop it. Then I found out the cops were watching the house. I rather loose my ex than loose my child and son. Maybe we could have gotten past our infidelties don't know.
I think the only thing that save my ex from trying to beat me because at that time my temper was very bad and I would have beat the crap out of him and if I could not hurt you with my fist I would pick up something and hit them with it. My 1st ex said I pulled a knif on him and pulled his gun on him, well I may have on the gun because all he ever did was play with it then when we had our child I was afraid that the my child would play with it because my ex never put it up the gun that is. I was so red that instead of shooting my ex I through the gun outside. I even went to mexico to meet my inlaws I never felt welcomed. I felt like an outsider, I was even told to go to the market by myself. Yeah right my the only white woman in the town full of mexicans. Maybe he wanted me to get kidnapped don't know. I tried to do my share of the work but felt like it was not appreciated my attempts. The last time I went my ex told me he wished I never went with him. I have feeling he was playing around on me down there.
My second husband he was just full of anger . He blamed everyone for his problems, not getting promoted at school, for the jobs he had. He even blamed his own people he was hindu. I also don't think he wanted a real marriage. I think he was like the first ex husband, wanted to be married and play at being single. I don't think he wanted to be seen with me in public either, maybe he was afraid that someone might see us together that he did not want too. I was blamed even for my people. We were not married long enough to get his visa, he kept waiting on the attorney he hired or he did not listen to the attorney. We were married but never lived as a married couple, he lived in another city and me in Kansas. Then he got a job in Phoneix, AZ then somewhere in Georgia. Last time he came up we got into while we was in Wichita, KS he had to get his finger prints all over again. He did not even want me to go with him to Wichita, KS. It was like he was ashamed to have been seen with me.
The roommate just told me what his ex wives done to him and he does not care, only cares about his sister and nephew would do anything to protect them. Lucky them I did not have that luxury. I fought my own battles with the exes and my dad. Why is he with me if he does not care about anyone anymore? Roommate excuse he has ADD/ADHD.
My dad was okay but did not start to hit me until I was 16 years old. My mom or brother done nothing to protecct me. My dad has kicked me and my mom out of the house 2 times. Once when we got into it physically over a prom dress because him and mom were fighting that day. My mom always went back to the man. He hit me over a look I gave him, friends and school. He even kicked me out of the house over jobs because I quit one job to work another job and did not tell him. No way I can work one job getting up at 4 am to work at 7 am then get off at 3:30 pm to work the other job at 5 pm until closing time and when you work fast food you do not get off on time. No one has ever stood up for me. My dad helped me to get out of mess with some people, where I stayed where I should not have been, using my body for food and place to sleep instead of getting a job and finding my own place, working on gett myself out of that situation. My dad did help me with 500 deductible to get my truck fixed but other than I wish my dad and I was close but don't think it will happen. To him I am nothing but a slut, whore, lying bitch etc that is what he has called me. Maybe I am what he has called me I don't know.
I just wish I can find someone nice, who can accept me for who I am, not because of what others has done.
I guess enough feeling sorry for myself.
All I ever got from them was to be used. He treats me the roommie like my father, and ex's husband and the last boyfriend. 1st ex's did not want a wife, he wanted his visa card so that he can go to work here in the US not to work on some cattle ranch/farm for $2 something an hour. I paid for his visa boy did I get ripped off, the only thing good that came out of it was my son.
My 1st ex would rather go out get drunk with his friends, do drugs (claims he never did but knew better) have sex with other women the come home want to have sex with me. He would not ever spend any time with me or do anything with me. I put up with this for a few years. Then I had my own little affairs, my 1st husband was never there, every time we would get into a fight he would run to his friends. We only had one vehicle so I was left on foot. My mom helped him to get a job where she worked out, from what I understand my Aunt caught him in the vehicle with another woman. The last straw was when the girls started coming to the house, his friends and their dog come to the house and killed a cat and my ex did nothing to stop it. Then I found out the cops were watching the house. I rather loose my ex than loose my child and son. Maybe we could have gotten past our infidelties don't know.
I think the only thing that save my ex from trying to beat me because at that time my temper was very bad and I would have beat the crap out of him and if I could not hurt you with my fist I would pick up something and hit them with it. My 1st ex said I pulled a knif on him and pulled his gun on him, well I may have on the gun because all he ever did was play with it then when we had our child I was afraid that the my child would play with it because my ex never put it up the gun that is. I was so red that instead of shooting my ex I through the gun outside. I even went to mexico to meet my inlaws I never felt welcomed. I felt like an outsider, I was even told to go to the market by myself. Yeah right my the only white woman in the town full of mexicans. Maybe he wanted me to get kidnapped don't know. I tried to do my share of the work but felt like it was not appreciated my attempts. The last time I went my ex told me he wished I never went with him. I have feeling he was playing around on me down there.
My second husband he was just full of anger . He blamed everyone for his problems, not getting promoted at school, for the jobs he had. He even blamed his own people he was hindu. I also don't think he wanted a real marriage. I think he was like the first ex husband, wanted to be married and play at being single. I don't think he wanted to be seen with me in public either, maybe he was afraid that someone might see us together that he did not want too. I was blamed even for my people. We were not married long enough to get his visa, he kept waiting on the attorney he hired or he did not listen to the attorney. We were married but never lived as a married couple, he lived in another city and me in Kansas. Then he got a job in Phoneix, AZ then somewhere in Georgia. Last time he came up we got into while we was in Wichita, KS he had to get his finger prints all over again. He did not even want me to go with him to Wichita, KS. It was like he was ashamed to have been seen with me.
The roommate just told me what his ex wives done to him and he does not care, only cares about his sister and nephew would do anything to protect them. Lucky them I did not have that luxury. I fought my own battles with the exes and my dad. Why is he with me if he does not care about anyone anymore? Roommate excuse he has ADD/ADHD.
My dad was okay but did not start to hit me until I was 16 years old. My mom or brother done nothing to protecct me. My dad has kicked me and my mom out of the house 2 times. Once when we got into it physically over a prom dress because him and mom were fighting that day. My mom always went back to the man. He hit me over a look I gave him, friends and school. He even kicked me out of the house over jobs because I quit one job to work another job and did not tell him. No way I can work one job getting up at 4 am to work at 7 am then get off at 3:30 pm to work the other job at 5 pm until closing time and when you work fast food you do not get off on time. No one has ever stood up for me. My dad helped me to get out of mess with some people, where I stayed where I should not have been, using my body for food and place to sleep instead of getting a job and finding my own place, working on gett myself out of that situation. My dad did help me with 500 deductible to get my truck fixed but other than I wish my dad and I was close but don't think it will happen. To him I am nothing but a slut, whore, lying bitch etc that is what he has called me. Maybe I am what he has called me I don't know.
I just wish I can find someone nice, who can accept me for who I am, not because of what others has done.
I guess enough feeling sorry for myself.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Dec. 10, 2011
Don't you get tired of making a list of things you think you need even if it is useful items. I sit at my computer and I am making a list both of materialistic and non-materialistic items.
My list of improvements on myself. I want to become a better cook, make healthier meals. I want to build up my self confidence, my self esteem. I want to find love, and acceptance.
My list of things I want in my life. I want bookcases, shelves for my books and craft supplies, an extra tv for the bedroom, house. I table for my computer and another for me to craft on etc.
These list are never ending alwasy changing, that is life. It is a constant change. I keep marking off my list of things but then I am adding back to it. Oh well that is life.
I will try to find other things to talk about. I am tired of complaining about my life.
One lesson I learned today. when you do the dishes make sure the fork prongs are turned the other direction. I stuck the fork prong between my thumb and nail. It hurt like a mother and it bled. Any how enough for tonight.
My list of improvements on myself. I want to become a better cook, make healthier meals. I want to build up my self confidence, my self esteem. I want to find love, and acceptance.
My list of things I want in my life. I want bookcases, shelves for my books and craft supplies, an extra tv for the bedroom, house. I table for my computer and another for me to craft on etc.
These list are never ending alwasy changing, that is life. It is a constant change. I keep marking off my list of things but then I am adding back to it. Oh well that is life.
I will try to find other things to talk about. I am tired of complaining about my life.
One lesson I learned today. when you do the dishes make sure the fork prongs are turned the other direction. I stuck the fork prong between my thumb and nail. It hurt like a mother and it bled. Any how enough for tonight.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Dec. 4, 2011
Is it me or what. Where do people learn how to drive. I made a left turn, into the left lane, was going to get turn on my turn signal to get into the right lane, the people behind me go directly into the right lane. I had to go around the block to so that I can make a deposit to my acccount. If that is not the case you have someone cutting in front of you without a moments notice.
I spent way to much money. I have this idea. I need to make a grocery list for each store I go to, The Health Food Center. I want to try eating gluten free foods see if that will help with my sugar. I know I cannot get completely way from glutens but I can try. I also want to go to the Asian stores, as well as the craft and other stores. I need to make a list for each store I go to. I always spend way to much money. I watched this video on you tube about budget grocery shopping. It made since you plan your meals, check your frig, pantry and spice/bake goods to see what you have and don't have. I always buy something like green peppers or mushroom and not use them all then they go to the garbage because they rot, icky. She suggested when you plan your meals, plan them where you can use the rest of green pepper, mushroom etc.
I bought pizza for my supper. My sinuses are bothering me, another reason to start eating better. I was invited to go next door for movie, but I in turn invited them for pizza because I wanted to share. I she don't do pizza. Yeah right. I did not tell her where I bought it from.
I also spent money online for some die cuts for my die cut machine. I moved an end table into the living room to set my small christmas tree. I went to the craft store as well, got my cookie cutters to make some ornaments out of, found a recipe online for applesauce & cinnamon ornaments but I have some left over gharam masala spice. It has salt in it so I don't like to use it much bcz i forget that it has salt and use it on the food, then my food because to salty. I am kind of wondering what it will smell like. I thought I had some applesauce in the frig but I think I threw it out. I included the link on how to save money on groceries at the bottom of this post.
I did get my ultra sound to see if my kidneys and bladder are still in place and nothing out of the ordinary. I however have to wait until Wednesday for the results. I also have to remember to turn in my Beneficiary form to my employeer.
The roommate said he will be home on Sunday. Said I may have to come get him, his car is acting up. I hope he makes it all the way home and I do not have to go get him.
I guess enough gripping for tonight.
http://youtu.be/MSMxgWPjaGo
I spent way to much money. I have this idea. I need to make a grocery list for each store I go to, The Health Food Center. I want to try eating gluten free foods see if that will help with my sugar. I know I cannot get completely way from glutens but I can try. I also want to go to the Asian stores, as well as the craft and other stores. I need to make a list for each store I go to. I always spend way to much money. I watched this video on you tube about budget grocery shopping. It made since you plan your meals, check your frig, pantry and spice/bake goods to see what you have and don't have. I always buy something like green peppers or mushroom and not use them all then they go to the garbage because they rot, icky. She suggested when you plan your meals, plan them where you can use the rest of green pepper, mushroom etc.
I bought pizza for my supper. My sinuses are bothering me, another reason to start eating better. I was invited to go next door for movie, but I in turn invited them for pizza because I wanted to share. I she don't do pizza. Yeah right. I did not tell her where I bought it from.
I also spent money online for some die cuts for my die cut machine. I moved an end table into the living room to set my small christmas tree. I went to the craft store as well, got my cookie cutters to make some ornaments out of, found a recipe online for applesauce & cinnamon ornaments but I have some left over gharam masala spice. It has salt in it so I don't like to use it much bcz i forget that it has salt and use it on the food, then my food because to salty. I am kind of wondering what it will smell like. I thought I had some applesauce in the frig but I think I threw it out. I included the link on how to save money on groceries at the bottom of this post.
I did get my ultra sound to see if my kidneys and bladder are still in place and nothing out of the ordinary. I however have to wait until Wednesday for the results. I also have to remember to turn in my Beneficiary form to my employeer.
The roommate said he will be home on Sunday. Said I may have to come get him, his car is acting up. I hope he makes it all the way home and I do not have to go get him.
I guess enough gripping for tonight.
http://youtu.be/MSMxgWPjaGo
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