Don't you hate it when you feel like you go from one frying pan to another. I think that is what has happened to me. I have a roommate who does not care about me and I thought he did. What a fool I am? He told me about what his ex's did to him but does he ever ask me about my ex's no. I don't want to talk about them.
All I ever got from them was to be used. He treats me the roommie like my father, and ex's husband and the last boyfriend. 1st ex's did not want a wife, he wanted his visa card so that he can go to work here in the US not to work on some cattle ranch/farm for $2 something an hour. I paid for his visa boy did I get ripped off, the only thing good that came out of it was my son.
My 1st ex would rather go out get drunk with his friends, do drugs (claims he never did but knew better) have sex with other women the come home want to have sex with me. He would not ever spend any time with me or do anything with me. I put up with this for a few years. Then I had my own little affairs, my 1st husband was never there, every time we would get into a fight he would run to his friends. We only had one vehicle so I was left on foot. My mom helped him to get a job where she worked out, from what I understand my Aunt caught him in the vehicle with another woman. The last straw was when the girls started coming to the house, his friends and their dog come to the house and killed a cat and my ex did nothing to stop it. Then I found out the cops were watching the house. I rather loose my ex than loose my child and son. Maybe we could have gotten past our infidelties don't know.
I think the only thing that save my ex from trying to beat me because at that time my temper was very bad and I would have beat the crap out of him and if I could not hurt you with my fist I would pick up something and hit them with it. My 1st ex said I pulled a knif on him and pulled his gun on him, well I may have on the gun because all he ever did was play with it then when we had our child I was afraid that the my child would play with it because my ex never put it up the gun that is. I was so red that instead of shooting my ex I through the gun outside. I even went to mexico to meet my inlaws I never felt welcomed. I felt like an outsider, I was even told to go to the market by myself. Yeah right my the only white woman in the town full of mexicans. Maybe he wanted me to get kidnapped don't know. I tried to do my share of the work but felt like it was not appreciated my attempts. The last time I went my ex told me he wished I never went with him. I have feeling he was playing around on me down there.
My second husband he was just full of anger . He blamed everyone for his problems, not getting promoted at school, for the jobs he had. He even blamed his own people he was hindu. I also don't think he wanted a real marriage. I think he was like the first ex husband, wanted to be married and play at being single. I don't think he wanted to be seen with me in public either, maybe he was afraid that someone might see us together that he did not want too. I was blamed even for my people. We were not married long enough to get his visa, he kept waiting on the attorney he hired or he did not listen to the attorney. We were married but never lived as a married couple, he lived in another city and me in Kansas. Then he got a job in Phoneix, AZ then somewhere in Georgia. Last time he came up we got into while we was in Wichita, KS he had to get his finger prints all over again. He did not even want me to go with him to Wichita, KS. It was like he was ashamed to have been seen with me.
The roommate just told me what his ex wives done to him and he does not care, only cares about his sister and nephew would do anything to protect them. Lucky them I did not have that luxury. I fought my own battles with the exes and my dad. Why is he with me if he does not care about anyone anymore? Roommate excuse he has ADD/ADHD.
My dad was okay but did not start to hit me until I was 16 years old. My mom or brother done nothing to protecct me. My dad has kicked me and my mom out of the house 2 times. Once when we got into it physically over a prom dress because him and mom were fighting that day. My mom always went back to the man. He hit me over a look I gave him, friends and school. He even kicked me out of the house over jobs because I quit one job to work another job and did not tell him. No way I can work one job getting up at 4 am to work at 7 am then get off at 3:30 pm to work the other job at 5 pm until closing time and when you work fast food you do not get off on time. No one has ever stood up for me. My dad helped me to get out of mess with some people, where I stayed where I should not have been, using my body for food and place to sleep instead of getting a job and finding my own place, working on gett myself out of that situation. My dad did help me with 500 deductible to get my truck fixed but other than I wish my dad and I was close but don't think it will happen. To him I am nothing but a slut, whore, lying bitch etc that is what he has called me. Maybe I am what he has called me I don't know.
I just wish I can find someone nice, who can accept me for who I am, not because of what others has done.
I guess enough feeling sorry for myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment