Emotionally Wrought

I am upset, sad, grieving and angry all into one. I had to put my Sassy down. She already had 1 surgery to remove stones and she was needing another. I did not have $2000 more or less to do this plus the special food for her. I had to make the tough decision to let go. It would not have been so bad but when they gave her something to relax her she fell into my arms then the Vet gave her the med to stop her heart. I don't know if I can go through that 3 more times with my pets, make it 5 need to include the cat and the other 4 dogs. In am still sad about it but I find I cannot communicate with my family. I either get a shrugging of the shoulders, or they are off into their own little world.

I told mom I miss Sassy, that is when she shrugged her shoulders then proceeded to say she misses her barking. My dogs would bark when I get out of my truck and walk in, you would think I was beating them but I don't. They just saying glad your home, love you kind of things. Most of time time I will go to my room and lay down then I get ran over by them all.  Which is okay, just wish I could have trained them to be a masseuse I could always use a back rub, of course i think the cat would be good at acupuncture do to the claw needing things.

I know I need to blog more. It helps me to feel better. I know I complain, cry, bitch etc but it is a good way to let off steam and not hurt anyone.  

I know there are other people that has gone through this too be it a pet or loved one the 2 legged kind, I thought I could handle watching the Vet give the meds and all but Boy was I wrong, I did not think I would get so emotional over this., I am a big softy I cried all the way home and a bit off and on at work. I have even found myself crying at a movie, be it action or romantic, even over a song on K-Love.

I have found I like listening to the Contemporary Christian Music. It is really good. every once in awhile I will listen to local channel to get the news and the weather. I am also thinking about just letting my TV go keep it for movies and such, but listen to the radio more often like they did before TV was invented.

I will try to write more and maybe start in the morning and try to remember to work on it through out the day. I need to keep the blogging process so I can just work through things better.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and  a Happy New Year!!!

Love
Shelly